That Game We Never Play
From DnD with Pornstars, they know people.
Every level including the first, roll 1D4 + your Constitution modifier and add it to your hit points.
For each spell slot you get, roll on this table instead of just filling the slot…
1-68 Fill a slot with a spell as usual.
69 I sense a great disturbance etc etc You have a form of postcognition that allows you to detect the presence of cast spells, eldritch creatures and the like (not omnipresent magic or currently magical things going on like Detect Magic could) in a given 30×30 foot area within the last day. You will know whether it was a spell or creature or effect or what. Re-rolling this allows you to know the nature of it broadly (enchantment, demon, etc). Re-rolling this a third time tells you exactly what it is. Re-rolling it a fourth time allows you to function as a walking “Detect Magic” spell. After that re-roll.
70 Further advancement will require you to placate obscure gods. You have to adopt a taboo a la the Wu Jen like:
- Cannot eat meat.
- Cannot have more treasure than the character can carry.
- Must make a daily offering (food, flowers, incense) to one or more spirit powers.
- Cannot bathe.
- Cannot cut hair.
- Cannot touch a dead body.
- Cannot drink alcoholic beverages.
- Cannot wear a specified color of cloth.
- Cannot light a fire.
- Cannot sit facing a specified compass direction.
Each time you re-roll this you need to take up another one.
71 Wizard Lie. You can tell one lie per day (one sentence long) and be automatically believed by anyone at least half your level (round up). Re-rolling this means you can tell two lies, then three, etc.
72 After long eons of patient and lonely research you’ve found it—that thing you wanted? The Star Swallower? The dragon egg? The mountain fortress? It’s there. 4 sessions worth of adventure away or less. Tell your GM, who then must place it.
You must have a fair shot at it—like any other treasure, but there’s no guarantee you will get it. If you don’t get it by the fourth session you can keep trying or let it go and roll again on this table. However if you choose to roll again and then you do get the thing somehow anyway, you lose whatever gimmick you rolled. GM think up some clever reason why.
73 Cruel curse. This is basically a spell usable once per day. Range: 100’. Area of effect: 1 creature per level. Duration: 1 day/level Save negates.
To trigger the curse, the caster must observe the target (any creature with fewer hit dice than the caster) perform the same action for at least two consecutive rounds. The caster may then invoke one of two effects:
a) The target creature must continuously do one thing chosen by the caster that it was doing in the last two turns,
b) the target can never do some chosen thing it was doing in the last two turns.
The repeated/forbidden action cannot be anything the creature normally always does (breathe, touch the ground, etc). The effect of the curse can be something that will probably kill the creature in its current circumstance but it cannot be something that would inevitably kill it regardless of circumstance. For example: the curse could not compel a creature to stop breathing but it could compel a creature to continue walking in a straight line even if that line (in the particular situation) would lead it off a cliff.
No two Cruel Curses may be identical (which is why curses tend to be weirdly specific).
74 Your powers inspire awe in lesser beings. You have an exceptionally (though not supernaturally) intelligent and loyal henchman, hound or horse (your choice). This individual cannot be slain, kidnapped or otherwise traduced “offscreen” by the GM, so if he or she’s in trouble and your PC is not around you get to play it out. Of you re-roll this and your previous one is not dead, you get to add another hit die to your pal.
75 BAH! You have glimpsed primal vistas both horrific and majestic in your meditations. The mundane world does not concern you. Immune to fear. If you re-roll this, your companions gain a +2 vs fear if they can see you, then +4 etc
76 You now have a familiar. It has one hit die. If you already had one, it has 2 hit dice.
5 Pick one
6 Make one up that’s approximately as powerful as one of the creatures listed
It obeys commands, you can see through its eyes and use its special sensory abilities, attacks on it affect you, too, blah blah blah
77 I think I know the counterspell for this… By making a successful saving throw you may turn any spell cast on anyone in line of sight back on the original caster. It’s an immediate-interrupt of course but that counts as your action for that turn or the next turn. You can do this once per day. Each time you re-roll this result you get +1 to the save.
78 The dweomers are beginning to fear you. +2 to save vs spell. +1 more every time you roll this.
79 The constant influence of interdimensional radiation has twisted your body. Gain a random deformity. Describe it. -2 to charisma checks where you’re trying to make someone like you, +2 to ones where you’re trying to intimidate them or freak them out. +2/-2 more each time you re-roll this.
80 The wyrdness has definitively infected you. You have a mutation that goes beyond mere deformity: an eye that floats an inch outside of its socket, a head with no neck supporting it, a third arm, etc. You can roll a random mutation if you like or pick something. You know those freaky wizards with like 3 extra faces that Thundarr The Barbarian fights? They rolled this a bunch of times.
81 This glove is made of sleep. Take a spell you already possess and bind it into an object. You may now use the spell twice per day and it functions as if you were a level higher. However: the spell is now bound to that object, not you. Whoever has the object can use it. Nonwizards and lower-level wizards use it as if it were cast by a wizard one level lower than you.
82 You always were reading ahead of the rest of the class. Receive a random spell one level higher than you are able to cast. Remember: random.
83 In case of fire cast lightning… One of your existing spells (pick one) is also attached to a form of the Contingency spell. A second “copy” of the spell is set to activate as soon as a trigger event of the caster’s choice occurs. The caster may only cast and set a new contingency once a week. In essence, contingency means that rather than having 7 copies of a spell per week at will, the caster now has 8, but the 8th one is only activated by the specific condition. Re-rolling this result allows for another contingency to be set with a different spell.
84 Poorly memorized spell. The caster may select any spell of a level s/he is not normally allowed to cast, only it has a 50% chance of backfiring. Re-rolling this result improves the caster’s odds by 1%.
85 Take what you can get in a world of Vancian scarcity… Receive 2 random spells of whatever the highest level you are able to cast is.
86 I know this foul pottery… Roll under int +1 on a d20 to identify obscure pieces of lore and magic items. Add +1 for each time you re-roll this until you get to 19.
87 You been practicing talking slowly and lighting candles. You get one 8th level spell of your choice as a ritual. (9th level if you are able to cast 8th level spells) This means either (your choice):
-it takes 24 minus your Int score hours to cast it and you have to stay in the same place (30×30 square) doing nothing else the whole time, or…
-you have to do some dumb elaborate ritual thing that takes only an hour as described by the GM for this effect
Either way the target/are of effect must be right there unless you have a separate scrying spell or suchlike and the spell must be used immediately. You may cast your ritual spell once per month. Rolling this again gets you another one.
88 All this watching people fight has actually sunk in. +1 to hit every time you roll this.
89 You are learning the languages of inanimate objects. You may ask and receive an honest answer from one once per day—plus one more every time you re-roll this.
90 The laws of the unseen world are ever more clear to you. You may write a magical contract. Anyone freely agreeing to such contract and signing it will take d6 damage per your level if they break it. The damage goes up by one die every time you re-roll this.
91 Look out world: You bought chalk! You may summon a demon or similar extradimensional creature with one less hit die/level than you have once a month. It will serve for 6 days plus one more for each time you re-roll this result. If you have a familiar, it will possess your familiar and serve through that. If you do not have a familiar but do have any henchindividuals, then it will possess them and serve through them.
When the time is up, the creature gets to stay on the material plane and do what it wants. So….good luck with that.
Re-rolling this result means you can summon a creature with HD equal to your level, then one more, then one more etc etc
92 The souls of common folk are easily read. On a successful wisdom check you can read both the aspect and aura of anyone at least 2 hit dice/levels lower than you. You know if they’re lying, if they are under magical influence, and if they are what they seem. Re-rolling this adds one to the check.
93 You crackle with misappropriated energies. On a successful save against magic you not only successfully resist a spell, you may release it any time in the next 8 hours—effectively casting that spell as if it were your own. You may not cast any other spells until you release the stored spell. This only works on spells that affect only you or an area only you and/or your familiar occupy (like if Rock to Mud was cast and you were the only one in the room, you could absorb that). If you re-roll this result, you may use it on spells targeting you and one other person, if you re-roll it again then it goes for you and 2 other targets, etc etc.
94 Stuff that shouldn’t come off does. You have one removable limb or organ (pick: hand, eye, heart, etc). It functions as normal when separated from you and you receive any sensory information it picks up. It can travel a maximum of 100’ from you before you are in trouble. Each time you roll this, pick another.
95 The sorcerer has a second shape… You can turn into one other thing at will because hey, wizards sometimes are like that. It can be another humanoid shape, like just some random otherwise-looking person or it can be an ordinary animal somewhere between your size and cat size. You have to decide what the thing is: its stats are exactly the same as yours and it has no special movement or sensory powers. I mean, if it’s smaller than you it can move through smaller doors but otherwise whatever. Each time you re-roll this you get one other shape you can assume.
96 Your studies have unleashed a wild dweomer into your mind. Basically this means you have one spell (of whatever level you were rolling this result to replace) which is totally random each morning. Roll to see what it is. Re-rolling this result means you get another one plus one extra random spell each morning. And if you re-roll it again you get another plus two extra, etc. So the first time you do it you’re like “Mannn, I shoulda just played a regular wizard” but after that you start racking up bonus random spells, which is nice, right?
97 Vile indeed is this corrupted earth…so you hover an inch above the ground at all times because magic. If the ground falls out from under you you still fall, you just land an inch above where you normally would. -d6 to all falling damage. -d6 more each time you re-roll this result.
98 What the hell is he doing over there…? Your unnatural metabolism no longer handles what humans call “food”. You eat something else—pick—it must be something that might be present in a forest but not in a bare prison cell. Likewise, your blood, tears, sweat, saliva, etc no longer “taste” human and there is a 1 in 10 chance carnivores will ignore you. This chance goes up by one each time you reroll this result.
99 Zubzubzub ZAAAAAA Once you cast a spell you may hold it to increase its power. It can only be an attack or otherwise baleful spell (not healing or whatever, got it?). You may do nothing else but walk, chant magic words, and make wizardy spellcasting gestures while holding the spell and if you are interrupted the spell is lost. However, for each round the spell is held, either it works as if cast by a wizard one level higher or the save is at -1 (pick). You may do this once per day. Twice if you re-roll this result, three times if you re-roll it again, etc etc
00 Spooky wisdom. If you sleep, you will receive a minor prophecy in a dream. It will communicate some true or likely thing about the outcome of whatever’s on your mind as you sleep.